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I quite often wish to cease to be human only to be a cyborg purged of all baser instincts, clear and non-judgemental and finally assertive to myself. I also fancy to be equipped with a time machine to travel back to the moment of my birth, ( I lost innocence and gained experience) to appreciate the true gravity of it in settling down a complicated and combustible family narrative which was otherwise condemned to fade away. As a toddler and a pre-schooler, I received massive parental attention often bordering on luxury. My mom who was battling different types of deficiencies in family was beginning to shift all emotional attachment to me from father which created huge difficulty for me including limited freedom of movement. My daily cry to join friends ( remotely connected to academy) was routinely shouted out by her. I gradually failed to fit into currencies of my generation. I was normally indoctrinated into a system of thought that I was born to be special. This feeling pervaded my all engagements. I never took sports sportingly. This meant in some cases that I exerted my enegy to defeat opposition while being technical was more important. As I was impact - sensitive, I became very often gripped with fear of losing all games in life. I failed to appretiate that success rests on type of chemicals raging through one's brain. What I was destined to be was far ago hatched over by my Mom while she was a student of Lalmatia Mohila college. She used to jot down difficult words on a hard back paper pile having an end in mind. I got this and was instructed to duly take care of it. This mini dictionary became a sole means of interaction between me and my mom. And I recall , this interaction created a dialectics over what to do and what not to do in life. I am surely taking up that period spent under her close disposal as most formative and impressionable. What still remains to be cited about that time is that through my growing up , Mom regained authentic intimacy from my father. Sadly , this intimacy was dropped out of list of her wishes and fancies by then. Her only occupation was to bring me up and enable me to match her dream. I was given an usually strict house tutor as I was going naughty. This tutor after few days became a fan of my skills. He was mistaken in me. I was actually far away from books because none of the syllabus contents seemed to me any even challenging and none of my class mates posed any insecurity to my reputation as good student. Though now I can appreciate the potential error I was living with then. Parents were overly happy with my academic feats throughout the school life. Basically that false image damaged my ability. I failed to get at that. I finally stumbled in an internal Biology exam in which I scored 23 out of 40.Father was frustrated into handling me otherwise. First time I found him with a stick in hand all desperate to beat me brutally. He beat me as per his capacity but I was too strong physically and too bad intellectually to be corrected and that inhuman treatment came to little effect. My increasing negligence to academic order put my dad in discomfort and a type of romantic disappointment as he gave me massive liberty to grow up. Mom literally opposed the liberty .............to be continued.